"Don't be fooled by me. Don't be fooled by the face I wear. For I wear a thousand masks,
masks that I am afraid to take off and none of them are me." —Unknown

07 January, 2005 - 12:18 p.m. - One of those days
Today is one of those days when nothing seems to fit quite right, when your socks keep coming off, and every sound is just too loud, and you can't find a comfortable position to sit in, and you forget your reading glasses on the way to work, and you you can't keep the list of things that you need or want to do straight in your head, and everything just seems slightly out of kilter.

And i have to wonder, did it happen that sometime during the night one dimension crashed into another and somehow the mes in both were swapped? And now am i stuck in a world in which everything's just a milimeter off here and there, a world in which everything is only slightly distorted, like the center of an image on the back of a spoon?

Yeah, just one of those days.

05 January, 2005 - 12:56 p.m. - A few short movie reviews
Changing gears from my last entry, i've seen some good movies lately. I thought i'd give them a quick blurb each here, much like the little book reviews, but with more plot detail (heh, which isn't saying much).

In America (2002, dir. Jim Sheridan) - This is the story of an Irish family who moves to New York City (illegally) after the death of one of their three children. This film has far more light moments than the previews made it out to--and this is a good thing. There's a good mix of lightness and drama, and fairly solid characters (one of whom, Mateo, skirts cliché, but is still believable, and another of whom, the older of the two girls, carries the movie from start to finish). Overall, moving and enjoyable, but not earth-shattering. (7.5/10)

Malèna (2000, dir. Giuseppe Tornatore) - Story of a boy's coming of age and a woman's fall from grace in WWII Sicily. Excellent. Just excellent. The light and dark elements of this story are so well-balanced and nuanced that i felt like the proverbial fly on the wall. There's a good deal of humor in Renato's (the boy) story, and a good deal of sadness in Malena's (the woman) story, and yet neither element feels overwhelming. The visuals are absolutely gorgeous (and not just Monica Bellucci). The juxtaposition of the two stories (tied together by Renato's obsession with Malena) is by turns timeless, enchanting, and humbling. Perhaps my love of this film comes partly from my mother's recollections of just-post-WWII Sicily, but i was utterly charmed by this film. (9/10)

A Very Long Engagement (2004, dir. Jean-Pierre Jeunet) - From the director of Amélie comes another film featuring Audrey Tatou (*sigh*), this time in the guise of a WWI romance/mystery. Note for the hopeless romantics in the audience: this film is far, far darker than Amélie, to the point where certain battlefield scenes were difficult to watch (if you've ever wondered how horrifying WWI must have been from the trenches, watch this movie). The horror of war is well balanced by the almost-playful way in which the main character, Mathilde, uncovers the mystery surrounding Manech's (her fiancée) disappearance. This is a film in which the ending doesn't matter (since it can only end one way if it's going to be satisfying), but the journey from start to finish is crucial--and deeply engaging, pardon the pun. The characters are as quirky and satisfying, if somewhat more mature, than the ones in Amélie. My only regret about this movie is that it cannot escape these comparisons to its unrelated predecessor. Otherwise, a little long, but brilliant. (9.5/10)

03 January, 2005 - 12:26 p.m. - Traditional hatred?
I'm not one for blathering Happy New Year posts, especially as the holidays this year haven't seemed all that...holiday-like, so i'm just going to skip it and jump to the mundane and gritty existence that is mine.

Late last week, B and i ate dinner at my favorite Indian restaurant and were walking back to the car. We were talking as we walked--talking about something so completely unrelated to our relationship that i don't even remember what we were talking about. I'm thinking the conversation had to do with the particular dishes we'd ordered that night.

Anyway, we're walking and a guy passes us going the other direction, and as he passes by B, he very quietly says, "Dyke." And that's it. Keeps walking his way, we keep walking ours. B turns to me and says, "I think that guy just called us dykes." I turn back to look, but he's just walking down the sidewalk, hands in his pockets.

Now at this point, a million comebacks are running through my mind--too little, too late, as usual. I'm thinking, "Gee, taking lessons in the obvious, are we?" or, "Wow, you're perceptive. Now tell me something i don't know." or, "Oh, don't be shy, show the world how much you love lesbians." or, "I'd rather be a dyke than a dumbass." But, as always, everything happened too fast for me to get into trouble.

You know, i've been called names my whole life, and i'm tired of it. But what irks me more than anything about this situation is that the guy was black.

Okay, maybe this isn't fair. But to me it seems silly that a member of one group that's been shown intolerance for several generations would show intolerance toward a member of another group that's been shown intolerance for several generations--even if the intolerance we've seen is far less atrocious than what they've seen. There's just something that sticks in my craw about being called names by a guy who's probably been called a few names himself.

What is this, some kind of perverted sense of vigilante justice? For the record, i couldn't care less about the color of a person's skin. It makes me sad that after all these years and the assassination of one Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr., people still have problems with skin color. Wake up, people. We all bleed the same.

I know that queer folk who face discrimination and prejudice and intolerance and outright hate aren't experiencing a fraction of what African Americans in this country have experienced. But intolerance is intolerance, and i think both groups have faced it to a vocal (and sometimes violent) enough degree that we'd be willing to set our differences aside. If one's going to preach tolerance for one's own group, it's a bit disingenuous to wash one's own lack of tolerance aside, isn't it?

Or, to put it more bluntly: it's no longer okay to hate someone for the color of his skin (a trait he couldn't choose), but it's perfectly fine to hate someone for the people that she loves (a trait she couldn't choose)? And, what's more, it's not okay to hate someone for the color of his skin, but it's perfectly okay for him to hate freely?

Sorry, i don't buy that.

Bottom line is this: If you want tolerance for your own folks, you have to show it to others. Otherwise, you're perpetuating a tradition of hypocrisy and hate--and where does that get anyone?